So…I would like to start and say….I AM not an ANGEL by no means.
During my crazy times in the Army, I partied a lot and did plenty of other things that would make people blush if I mentioned it. I think one of my deadly sins is LUST.
If you have read my previous posts, giving up sex was the hardest thing every, but between 2006 – 2013, I had the time of my life…or so I thought I did.
Again, sex is amazing and the best drug in the world, but other consequences come with it. I’ve messed with a married man or two in the past. I guess, I like the attention from men period and didn’t feel like being caught up in the typical boyfriend/girlfriend situation. But what I realized as time went on is that, “Hurt People, hurt people.” When someone is in the state of “Brokenhearted”, you don’t care about anybody’s feelings but your own. You just want self-gratification and go on living the next day.
Well, your dirty deeds and sins catch up with you. I had a married woman threaten to kill me because of something I did 5 years ago! Just because you did something “back in the day”, doesn’t mean that it will catch up with you.
Reaping and sowing or KARMA is definitely real. Currently, I try to do right by people so I don’t reap a whirlwind.
Many might wonder, “Wow, she put her dirty laundry out like that! or “So what’s the moral of the story?” I won’t get to the moral yet, but when I write blogs here on WordPress, an idea or conversation from someone always sparks me as inspiration and I just want to talk about it.
When I was at work yesterday, I was talking to a co-worker, she stated that she was going to L.A. to see her “married” man. I asked, “Why would you settle for someone married, especially the fact that you were an item at one time? Why didn’t this gentleman marry you?” She stated, “We had a whirlwind of different events for the last few years and now we are back together. I enjoy not having b.s. or dealing with the relationship drama. He is buying me a car and we are going on a cruise together pretty soon. I don’t think I’ll ever get married because I don’t want to be the wife on the other end.” I looked at her in surprise but felt sorry for her. I do not think it’s worth it to be involved with someone married. I was married at one time and even though I was faithful, I would hate to be the wife being cheated on or done wrong.
I went to Vegas a few weeks ago and met a handsome gentleman. He was of Persian/Indian Descent.
He had a nice car, good looks, or what seemed like I would want. I didn’t pay him no mind while pumping gas at the Chevron near the freeway. But he kept gazing at me. It was like a long stare of lust and yearning. He finally spoke, introduced himself, and asked about my adventure in Vegas. I stated that I went to visit an Army friend, but really didn’t have too much fun. He asked, “You should hang out here for another night.” I replied, “No, I’m going to hit the road and head back to California.” He asked for my number, and of course, I gave it to him.
A week later, he texted me (I HATE TEXTING – RED FLAG #1). I was excited, but at the same time bored because the average guy loves to text or message instead of actually talking. He blabbed on about how pretty I looked at the gas station and asked for a decent picture. I sent it and he was in awe. He then stated, “Whoever gets you will be lucky to have you.” Alright guy…WTF?!?! You asked for my number so why wouldn’t you be lucky? RED FLAG #2. So…I asked, “Have you been married before?” He said, “I’m currently married. Do you have a problem?” OF COURSE I HAVE A PROBLEM! My hope fell like a man jumping off of a Two-Story building during the Stock Market crash in 1929. After that I wasn’t too interested in talking to him, even though it was texting. But again, I am a attention whore, so he would text me and I would entertain. After awhile, he started to talk about his marriage and I made it clear that I would not be a therapist or side chick.
He stated, “I respect you and think you are beautiful, but you are turning me on right now.” Aaaahhhh…..here we go! So he asked, “When are you coming to Vegas again? I would love to see you again.” I stated, “In a few weeks. I want to explore the Strip and do some shopping.” He then replied, “We should have lunch or something, but you turn me on so much.” I told him, “I don’t mind going to get coffee or something, but you are a married man. I don’t feel comfortable being alone with you.” He said, “Oh, I guess you don’t want to see me.” I said, “That’s not it. I just don’t want to get caught up. I respect marriage and the institution.” He said, “Well, enjoy your trip to Vegas.” I never heard from him again.
The moral of the story is that at this point in my life, I should NOT be entertaining married men. I just can’t settle for being with a married men. I don’t care how much money he has or how many trips he can take me on. I believe in a fairy tale true love, which seems non-existent in these times. I’m terrified of being in a relationship and getting hurt, but Mr. Jones won’t be able to solve that problem for me.
I deserve the best, therefore, I have to act as such. I know what I want and should expect in my life. Of course, I get frustrated with not having a man, having a date, or even sex for that matter, but patience is a virtue and I’m on this journey of self-realization for a reason.
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