On the Straight and Narrow Path
It’s good to be back! I intended to write this blog when I hit one year, which was October 2014, but I started a new job, continuing my education (one more year of college), and getting into other things that basically got in the way (church, yard work, projects, you name it).
When I first made the decision to stop having sex, it was very scary. I had plenty of late nights with Moscato, insomnia, and Mr. Newport.
Sex to me was a drug that I didn’t want to give up.
I enjoyed the kissing, touching rubbing, and OMG…the smell of it! It gave me the greatest rush, but the haze of ecstasy soon faded away and my reality was just a nightmare waiting to happen.
My main reason was because of all the crap I was dealing with trying to date (and get laid of course) after my divorce. I don’t know if I was wearing my internal organs on my sleeve (crossing my fingers for love) or I was looking for something that I would never get (non-stop and endless sex). Either way, I suffered the crash and burn and decided to make a change…and QUICK!
Now I’m at 17 months and my reasons for not having sex has changed. Of course, the “dating jungle” of hell is one of the reasons, but this year, I have decided to press into God more. I went to a Women’s Conference last week and it put a fire in me. I know this might sound crazy to some, but attending that conference gave me a desire to follow God more and also, I know that there is someone out there for me.
Now…let me also explain…am I a Saint?
As you can see, I’m very sexual person and have no issues being in tune or at one with myself in this area. I relieve stress, tension, and sleep better when those “personal moments” occur. Don’t judge me ok?!? Thanks! : ) But….it feels great and my emotions aren’t tied to some man. Did I mention my mind races like a horny teenage boy 24/7? Sex is on my mind a lot, but at the same time, I’m not out searching for it like I did 2+ years ago. I don’t want to deal with the heartache, pain, and games that go along with it. It’s just too much, even though it’s AWESOME!!!!!!
Of course, the road will never be easy. I had a few bumps on the road (a.k.a. Temptation)
Then some random guy that has no job keeps asking if I need company at my place so he can move in. We got into the biggest debate about going to church, hypocrites, and the like. He eventually left me alone though, which was great for me. No deadbeats and losers in my life. Then, (sigh) I had some weirdo co-worker wanting to “date” me, but is still married as well (there were so many wrongs with that situation. So glad I didn’t or want to go there — yuck!!!!!).
Was the whole online dating move a little desperate? Yes. Am I going to be alone forever and die alone? Probably not. I believe true love and patience takes time. Anything you want to be successful and real is never easy. The road will be weary, tiresome, miserable, and plenty of other things, but if you keep pushing, you will finally get there.
So…I’m still continuing on this journey of abstaining and staying away from the drama and hell. Right now, a relationships doesn’t seem to ever work, so I am totally focusing on me….it’s not too bad. It gets easier by the day.
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